Moon Session

On my walk out of the woods, I understood with clarity the work I am here to do.
I am a healer.
I am a writer.
I am an artist, a mystic, a misfit and a lover. Of life, people, plants animals…
I am here to be a helper.
I am here to weave you back together with your story, your purpose, your light.
I am here to be a witness of the divine.
To hold up a mirror and show you all the ways that you are all of these things, and more.
We are here to grow together.
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And what came to me in that space of acceptance was a healing protocol. Work I have been doing for years, but deeper.
We are here to connect with source. To find the place of balance between the sacred masculine and sacred feminine. We are here to restore balance to nature and find reverence for the life force on our planet. To connect with the sacred energies of earth, air, fire and water. To slow down. To nourish. To heal.

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The Earth has saved me more times than I can count. I have been foraged in the wild.
I want to be the vessel through which this wild earth heals you.

Beginning in February of 2018, I will be leading plant medicine (in the form of tea) and meditation classes on the Thursday closest to the full moon and energy work and art making on the Thursday closest to the new moon.  Location as yet to be determined, but my gut tells me sometimes this will happen at the top of the mountain, sometimes nearby a river, and other times still in various locations near North Adams.

Here’s the schedule:

February 1: Grounding with root medicine
February 15: Root healing with clay

March 1: Opening with Chaga Chai
March 15: Sacral center healing and water color

March 29: Revitalize with flower tea
April 12:  Solar Plexus: The art of balance with mobiles

April 26:  Self-love with leaf medicine
May 17:  Heart center with leaf and flower prints

May 31: Align your truth with adaptogens
June 14:  Throat center: Poetry prints with oil and water

June 28: Medicine of the mind
July 12:  Third Eye Collage and Vision boards

July 26: Detoxing and cleansing plants
August 9:  Crown center Sacred Jewelry

August 23: Rooting in wisdom with Elder
September 6:  Grounding with Mandala Stones

September 20: Plants that stimulate fertility and sexual energy
October 11:  Batik and Shibori prayer flags

October 25: Immune building with plants
November 8: Balance with Mobiles

November 22: Thanksgiving- gratitude and self-love
December 6: Gift Giving- creative space for holiday gift making

December 20: Closing Session. Releasing and Reflecting for the new year.
                          Intention setting for 2019.

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*If you would like to participate, but cannot be physically present, I will be creating a page which will contain each meditation/energy work session, detailed instructions on the art projects and a link to purchase the tea blends. You are welcome to harvest or make your own blends as well.

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I like to keep this kind of work cost effective and accessible to those with limited financial means.  Each session will be sliding scale $7-15.
You are not obligated to attend every session.  This is work you are committing to do for yourself.
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You need not have any particular art skills to participate. This is about practice not product. About giving ourselves permission to create, to be present.

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This work is open to both men and women.
For people who suffer from anxiety, sleep disturbance, lack of direction, a desire to create ritual and connection to the divine or simply take time to give yourself the gift of healing.

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I will be creating a separate course for children and will give you more information about that as soon as possible.

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This program will be open for registration in the next week or so.

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I believe with every fiber of my being, that 2018 is going to be a year filled with vibrant blessings. I want to help you create the pathways to receive those blessings.

Enjoy these last few days of 2017.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Out of the Woods

On December 14, 1986 I woke up in head to toe pain.
On December 20, I was given a terminal diagnosis and told I had only a few weeks to live.
On December 23, in the middle of a risky procedure, I went into cardiac arrest. I watched myself leave my body. I was greeted by an angelic being of light and went to what can only be compared to a train station. The space between. I was made to understand things far beyond what a 10 year old rationally contemplates. There was no sense of time in this place, only peace and divine love. When I felt myself being pulled back into my body, I was angry. I wanted to stay. The angelic being touched my heart, assured me I was healed and explained my role here in this life at this time. Immediately, I was back in my body, completely healed.
On December 24, a legion of doctors and specialists came to my room and poked and prodded me, took blood samples and ran me through machines. There is no scientific explanation for why I am still alive. Doctors don’t believe in angelic being healing, none-the-less, I was proclaimed “a miracle.”
That’s a lot of fucking weight to carry at 10 years old.
That’s a heavy tale to carry around as truth, when nearly every adult you encounter will tell you it was all in your imagination. And they will medicate the fuck out of you until you agree with them.
Survivor’s guilt is a constant echo in the back of my mind every December. Why me?
I have never felt I belong here. One foot in this world, one foot in the next.
I vacillate between having full and deep reverence for life, and taking on the weight of the world and letting it crush me until I can’t breathe.
This is not an easy place to be an empath. I feel your pain. Literally.
And when I am not doing the things I know I need to do to clear and ground myself, to stay in the light, I become a magnet for darkness.
This was not an easy summer.
And like in the Neverending Story, the nothing just kept getting stronger, and darker and breaking my spirit until I could bear that crushing weight no more.
I walked into the woods one day, and had no intention of walking back out.
This was a conscious choice. I brought nothing with me but my knife.
Energetic pain is something I cannot put into words. Every molecule of my being hurt.
All day. Every day. There was no reprieve. The darkness had a grasp on me and I couldn’t find my way out. Release from this prison of skin and bones was the only map to freedom that I could see.
I am not afraid of dying.
I did not feel as though I was being a good mother in the darkness. The speckles of hope and sunshine were fleeting. The sense of drowning was constant.
There was freedom in this plan. I was simply lost in the woods. No one needed to know it was my choice. I didn’t leave a trail of breadcrumbs. There was no note, no ominous Facebook post. By the time anyone realized I was gone, the animals would have taken me. I walked so very deep into the woods.
When my feet could take me no further, I found a patch of moss and sat down.
I meditated. I connected with my spirit guides. I asked for permission to release from my body. I was reminded of free will. I was reminded that we all have assignments and karma to be worked out. I was made to understand the cost of hitting the reset button.
I made peace with this decision.
The blade was surprisingly cold against my skin. I rocked it back and forth against my arm, testing the pressure, breaking the surface. The blood rose past the opening, spilling out on to the moss and I was struck by how beautiful this contrast was.
I grazed the blade up and down my arm, gently. Ignoring the tattoos I placed on this space to deter such actions and focused only on the pain. The darkness.
I took a deep, slow breath in, summoning all of my courage, understanding that one burst of adrenaline would give me the strength to open my arm and set myself free.
I closed my eyes, gripped the handle tighter, inhaled….and then all the hair stood up on the back of my neck.
Animal.
I felt him before I saw him.
He caught the corner of my eye, jumping to a ledge up above me.
Mountain lion.
There are people who will claim that we don’t have mountain lions around here.
Those people can choke on a dick.
Add to my list of crazy features the ability to communicate with wild animals. They initiate this communication, so this is an unfortunate party trick I’ve never been able to capitalize on.
I cannot convey the communication that took place between us in terms of human dialog. It would be akin to playing you a symphony on a kazoo and expecting you to understand the subtle nuances of all those instruments with a tiny plastic toy.
You will have to trust me reader.
You will have to transcend your feeble understanding of reality and understand that a mountain lion scolded me to the point of threatening to mark me with his claws. You will have to imagine how terrifying it is to be followed, 5 hours out of the woods as the sun descends and actual darkness threatens to leave you alone with a flesh eater walking behind you.
And in that terror, I found my reverence again.  In that terror, he showed me the light.
He made me understand how exquisitely I have taken my life force, my power for granted. He made me see that I have spent 31 years feeling sorry for myself because I lived. And in that moment, I vowed to live.
And he let me.
We drew closer to the trail that I originally deviated from, and I came around the bend to see two deer standing directly in my path. I was made to understand that there is a balance to nature that we have stepped outside of. And I knew one of them would have to sacrifice their life to appease the hunger my selfishness had awoken. I felt that shame in my bones and I wept for my carelessness. They ran off and it was only a matter of  seconds before he claimed his balance.
I looked down at my arm, still dripping with blood.
I cast a circle around myself and greeted the 4 directions.
I grabbed an acorn and dug a hole.
I let my blood fill the hole and placed the seed inside.
I promised the earth, the cosmos, my guides and anything else that was listening that I would walk this path with reverence. That I would never take this life force for granted again. That I would strive for balance, and live in service to the light.
I covered the ground and patched my wound.
I stood up, took a deep breath and walked back out of the woods.

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EPILOGUE
Someone I care about took his life yesterday.
I knew in my bones the last time that I looked in his eyes that he would and that doesn’t make me ache any less for the people who loved him. There is nothing any of us could have done to stop him, the weight of this life became too much to bear.  I hold the unpopular opinion that we have free will and choosing to release on ones own terms is part of that free will. I could never judge anyone for surrendering.
This life is hard. It is dark and heavy and there is suffering around every corner.
Empty your pockets, every day; you need not carry all that darkness.